DISCLAIMER: Should this document fall into the wrong hands (i.e. Cuttita herself or one of her evil toadies) I will disavow all knowledge of this document and move to Cuba and assume the name Rufigo the immigrant stable-boy.
Cuttitta...
Mere lowly librarian, or DICTATOROUS LIFE SUCKING VAMPIRE?
At first I was thinking on writing an essay on
freedom, or maybe one on the death penalty, but to be truthful those would be bland
unoriginal essays, admit it. I wanted a topic that I would enjoy writing about, that
wouldn't seem like a real assignment. So I decided to write about a topic that not only do
I know a lot about through first hand experience, but also that I feel strongly for.
This is my essay on why we should overthrow the evil dictator Mrs. Cuttitta from the
position as head librarian. This will give specific real life examples on how she abuses
her power, mistreats students, shows a strong favoritism to certain groups, and does other
nasty mean things.
First off Mrs. Cuttitta has more power, or thinks she has more power
than one person should hold. She has the power to kick anyone out of the library without
giving any reason at all (or so she says), the power to suspend all computer rights in the
library at her whim, and she shows a strong favoritism to most females. She also seems to
have an uncanny dislike of the male species for some unknown reason.
Let me prove the first point, the power. Let's say someone is given complete rights of a
certain area and is allowed to dispense justice, unchecked, at their whim. This is the
definition of a dictatorship, where one person controls a plot of land through the use of
threats, torture, imprisonment, and by dispatching ruthless toadies when she is at home
sick with a cold. This is an exact description of the power Mrs. Cuittitta thinks she has
in the library. She refuses to let some people into the library without passes from
teachers stating as to why their student needs to use the ever-so-wonderful computers of
Mrs. Cuttitta. For instance: one time during a study hall my friend Chris and I decided to
spend the study hall in the library searching for great literature that we could read to
enlighten our minds. Upon signing out of study hall and walking into the library, Mrs.
Cuttita sprang forth from behind the comfy chairs where she was laying in wait. She
grunted something about us not crossing her bridge to the bountiful grass field but,
remembering her present job, she said something about having a good reason to be in her
library and that we had to go back to study hall. I would like to point out that she
specifically called it "her" library, not the school's library, implying that
she somehow bought the books, computers, tables, chairs, etc. and pays the rent of the
room herself. She thinks of everything in her little range of power as her's alone and it
is only by the kind grace of Sith-lord Cuttitta, king of the death wompums that we are
allowed to use such wonderful resources. Anyway, getting back to the story, not five
minutes later as my friend and I were sulking in boredom in study hall did we perchance to
see two girls in our grade get up from our study hall and walk to the library. Needless to
say they got to go in without a hitch, and as I later learned no one bothered to check any
pass or ask what their business was using the library. Favoritism like the aforementioned
incident is a common thing in the land of Cuttitta. Mrs. Cuttitta takes her
responsibilities too seriously and what miniscule power she has within the library walls
goes right to her head. This is just one of the reasons Cuttitta needs to be overthrown.
Another reason that would support rebellion would be her plain meanness to the male
species, especially the athletically inclined ones. I will give you some examples: During
my ninth grade year I happened to play on the freshman basketball team, now this team was
almost entirely consisting of intelligent, kind, young men who were usually in the top 20%
of the class for GPA. We would, on occasion of waiting for practice or a game, have on
ourselves some free time and (with nothing else to do in our school,) go into the library
for a quiet conversation or just to sit in the comfy chairs. Now, granted,
"quiet" is a relative description, but to someone with normal hearing I'd say
it's pretty close. It just happened that one particular day the most high and mighty
dictator Cuttitta, ruthless leader of the LVHS (library visitors' harassment squad) was on
patrol. She had mistakenly turned her hearing aid onto the highest level, and could hear
the sound of a cricket chirping under a leaf during a thunderstorm on the other side of
Rutland County. So our quiet conversation must have seemed like a virtual shouting match
to her, for which she immediately targeted us from across the library and charged at us.
Upon seeing that we were only 14 or 15 summers of age, which is roughly 3% of her actual
age in "human" years, she became jealous at our youthfulness. Not only our age
but also at the fact that we had the strange ability to talk in a language that didn't
consist of various grunts or guttural barks sent her through the roof. She barked in her
strange banshee-Beast wars-WWF wrestler language a series of commands. Now us being only
mere novices when it came to deciphering primitive ape languages, all we could pick out
was something about us leaving immediately and about torture the likes of which we've
never imagined. As you can obviously imagine why, we scrambled in all directions, trying
to escape the great maw of beastmaster Cuttitta which smelt of rotting meat, and also
avoiding her massive clawed hands that could have torn us apart as easy as a bad Mexican
meal will do to your colon. That day every male freshman basketball player was kicked out
of the library for, and this is a direct quote "not doing anything." We were
kicked out of a public place in a public building by one of the least powerful faculty
members , because we were "doing nothing." Now please correct me if I am
misguided, but shouldn't people be kicked out of a place for doing something, something
wrong specifically, such as rudeness, vandalism, disturbing others, etc. When was doing
nothing a crime? If all people in this world were guilty only of "doing nothing"
for a few moments in their life, the world would be a much better place. What if the
murderers of the world had done nothing, just sat in a library, the day they would have
murdered someone? What if a shoplifter had done nothing when they went into Walmart,
instead of stealing a pair of thanksgiving socks with turkeys on them to feed their
insatiable holiday sock addiction ? So I beseech you kind reader, don't ask what they did
constructive with their time, but instead think of what they didn't do that was
destructive while they were "doing nothing." As for the one person who escaped
the wrath of Cuttitta that fateful day, it was one Nate Carr , who quickly did a commando
roll to the magazine section when she first charged, and grabbed a copy of Woman's World,
or some other chick magazine. Thus, when Cuttitta had finished with the rest of us, upon
turning to Nate she saw he was looking at "literature" and being illiterate ,
mistook him for doing research, and this so confused her she went back into her glass cave
to ponder this situation. Cuttitta's meanness only matches her ego, and this is yet
another reason we should have a coup, and kick her out of the position quickly.
Now this isn't exactly a reason to overthrow Cuttitta but I think it should have a special
mention in this essay, and that is the fact that Mrs. Cuttitta DOES NOT AGE! If you don't
believe me check the old yearbooks, she looks the same way back in the 80's, only she used
a little more hair dye back then. I think this should be looked into, because eventually
all the staff who knew Cuttitta in the 70's will be gone, and she can keep up her disguise
because no one will notice that SHE DOES NOT AGE! That is all I will say on this subject
at this time.
In conclusion Mrs. Cuttitta should be removed from power. This is because she is biased
against males. She thinks she has more power than she actually does. She abuses what
little power she does have. She DOES NOT AGE! My final point is that this essay was based
solely on my personal beliefs and was meant to not only be humorous, but also informative.
I don't think many teachers really know what Mrs. Cuttitta is like to the students,
because she always seems to act buddy-buddy to a lot of the teachers she talks to.