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Pets
You have one. Don't you? Why the hell not? Well, most of us do. So here is the real deal on these so called "pets".
Dogs: One of the most classic pets. Trained and breed for your pleasure. They come in all shapes and sizes. So how could you not find one you like? A+
Cats: Ah cats. If you don't think they are affectionate, you probably never had one. They always stay little, so you can always pick them up or have them sleep on your bed. They come in a variety of flavors, and according to ALF they taste great! So they disserve a great score. That, and if I gave them a lower score then what I gave dogs, I would get some arguments for sure. Not that I care. A+
Fish: One of the most brainless creatures ever kept as pets. They just swim around the freakin bowl! Fortunately, they require less upkeep then other animals. But they also just swim around the freakin bowl! They are kind of fun to watch, for about five minutes. And they just swim around the freakin bowl! Just buy a damn lava lamp! D+
Birds: I never much liked birds. They don't look cute, unless they have bright colors. And if you wanted something to look at, just buy a damn lava lamp. And you really can't play with them, unless you want them flying around messing up the house. And really, the talking ones, they annoy me. On the upside, you can teach them dirty words and amaze your neighbors! C-
Gerbils&Hamsters: Mmm, they taste like Zebra! Good for snacking! Buy a bunch and rent a movie. Better then chicken nuggets (what part of the chicken does the nugget come from?!?). These pets are great. Perform twisted science experiments on them (I actually do know how to make their offspring glow in the dark through genetic engineering). You can make them run through mazes, or place them on your friends. Unfortunately, you let them run around, they are bound to poop some place. And you have to chase them to get them back. B
Alligators: I would not recommend any giant lizard. Mainly because they are giant, and they will eat you when they grow older. Good thing they are so flushable! Just don't go into any city sewers (as if you were planning on it). C
Snakes: Pretty much the same as alligators. Snakes are much cooler though, since they slither around. Just don't buy a poisons one! I cannot stress that enough! B-
Those that did not make the cut:
Elephants
Lions
Tigers
Bears
Oh my!
Chinchillas (believe me, no one who has had one likes them)
Gorrillas
Godzillas
Dead relatives
Demons
Skunks
Cows
Martians
Vermin in general
Pet Rocks
Eumenides note: Ravenclad gives dead relatives a B+ and would like to add this: "they don't eat anything, you never have to change their papers, they listen to you all the time, and they never interrupt, and they ever need to be let out of the basement at 3 am to pee"