Fruit

You like fruit, who doesn't?  I will tell you who, freaks!  That's who!   Disclaimer: we realize that many freaks like fruit, we apologize for...err...to   those freaks.  This is probably the most unimaginative crap you will ever read, so I will apologize in advance.

Banana: It has the most interesting shape and is the easiest to open.   Unfortunately, it also really sucks when it gets bruised, and it spoils fast.   They also have that funny taste that cannot quite be reproduced in snack foods.   Fortunately, bananas are in plenty supply, so we can always get our banana fix (people do get banana fixes right?).  And what would a banana split be without them?   I will tell you, just a frickin split, and those are hard to do.  B+

Apple: The mediocre fruit.  But surprisingly, they come in many flavors.  You may not know this, but there are crispy kinds, juicy, sour, sweet and apple flavored.  Unfortunately, they go bad real quick when you take them out of the fridge.  They are good with peanut butter, and you can carve cool swans out of them (Its really easy and entertaining).  With the other opposition, apples just can't stand up well.  That and it sold out to a computer company.  B-

Tomato: Is this a fruit or a vegetable?  Its damn good that's what.   Cut one up, put it between bread, and its an instant good sandwich.  But what about those damn little seeds that go everywhere when you cut them?  The tomatoes natural advantage in nature is to splatter annoying little seeds over animals that try to bite them, therefore pissing the animals off, and the tomato lives on.  A-

Potato: The heavenly fruit.  Pure goodness.  Mashed or baked, but never faked.  So many ways to cook them, and serve them.  Suddenly I realize I am rating fruits, not vegetables.  And now I realize that I just called potatoes a fruit.  This is not one of my brighter moments.  D-

Watermelon: Sweet, full of sugar, and always drips down your chin (like Skittle, this may sound odd to you, but if you knew Skittle...).  The seeds sure suck, but with a little genetic manipulation: the seedless watermelon!  Unfortunately, since it is seedless, it cannot reproduce.  B+

Orange: Tasty.  Peely.  Unsatisfying.  Vitamins.   Citrus-filled.  And hurts like hell when you have a cold sore.  B-

Grapefruit: The perfect breakfast...for those really slim anorexic girls.   But since it keeps em slim, it gets a plus.  C+

Cantaloupe: Like watermelon, only a sphere with different taste and texture.   But the seeds have been put right in the center for your convenience.  A+

Pineapple: Great on pizza. The difference between crushed and sliced is little, but it rules when chopped.  Where would stir-fry be without it?  A+

Those that did not make the grade:

Donuts (this ones filled with purple, purple is a fruit.  Nope, sorry Homer, it's not).
Grapes (too small to judge)
Pop-tarts (fruit filling has questionable origins)
Fruit roll-up (last I checked real fruit cannot be rolled)
Ketchup (Its good, but no dice)
Cabbage (It's a vegetable damn it, like the potato)
Lemon (looks like I forgot about them, so here you go D-)
High-C (liquid orange?  Maybe, but what is a Low-C like?)
Raisins (dead grapes, and they died a horrible horrible death)
Bacon (its not a fruit, but it is so damn good A+)