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Dear Garadun,
My powers shall make you bow!

-Panajian

Dear Panajian,
Bring it on!!!

Dear Garadun,
I like to watch Sailor Moon but I can't be cause I cannot get home in time after school to watch it.  What do I do?

-Sailor Scout

Dear Sailor Scout,
Garadun does not care about your puny problems!  Grrraaarrr!

Dear Garadun,
Why do people hate me because I eat cats and fart all the time?

-Cat Eating Farter

Dear Cat Eating Farter,
It must be your personality.

Dear Garadun,
After staying with my best friend over night, I think I may be a lesbian.  This fact also explains some dreams I've been having.  What should I do?  It doesn't help that my family is Protestants.

-lesbian?

Dear lesbian?,
Fantasies about the same sex might not mean anything yet.  If your gay, you should know for sure soon enough.  As for your family, you may want to wait to tell them, some don't react so well.

Dear Garadun,
SOmebody offered me a Klondike Bar, WHat should i do for a Klondike bar?

-Jimmy

Dear Jimmy,
Never take Klondike bars from strangers.

Dear Garadun,
There is this guy in school I really like, but I don't think he even knows I am alive.   I am to shy to approach him.  what should I do?

sincerely,
Invisible girl

Dear Invisible girl,
During lunch, throw your carton of milk at him.  If he does not notice you then, try a chair.

Dear Garadun,
My boyfriend wants me to sleep with him, but I don't think I am ready.  He keeps pressuring me.  How can I get him to stop?

thanks,
Not Yet

Dear Not Yet,
Rip off his penis and smack him with it.

Dear Garadun,
These kids in school keep pushing me around, how do I get them to back off?

see ya,
little dude

Dear puny thing,
I suggest clubbing.  That always works.  If you too puny to lift Garadun's club, you should use forehead like hammer on face.

Dear Garadun,
There is this guy who likes me (I think), but he always teases me, and I hate it.  I like him too, what should I do for Valentines day to resolve all this trouble?

signed,
troubled love

Dear troubled love,
On valentines day, rip out his heart and give it to him.

Dear Garadun,
I love your advice, you have such a great insight.  What do you look like?  Are you single?

bye bye,
ladee da

Dear ladee da,
Garadun is 7 feet tall with blondish brown hair.  Garadun enjoys clubbing, smashing, crushing, and bashing.  His favorite suit is torn khaki pants with an animal skin vest.  Garadun belongs to no woman, for none can tame mighty Garadun!    Grrraaaarrr!

Dear Garadun,
There is this boy I like, but he is already taken, what do I do?

help,
Lark

Dear Lark,
First, take a can of mace.  Point at your face and spray.  That will teach you for trying to break up a relationship hussy! Grrraaaarrr!

Dear Garadun,
There is this girl I like in one of my classes. And she flerts with me a lot.
I want to ask her out, give me some advice. PLEASE?

Thanx,
IN LOVE!

Dear IN LOVE,
If she flirts with you already, she probably likes you.  I suggest you club a rabbit to death then put it where she sits with a note on it saying "unlike this rabbit, our love will never die."  She will think it is very sweet and will be very happy to know that someone likes her.  That night make a small fire near her house and dance around it wearing your best animal skins.  When she comes out, ask her to dance with you.  When you have danced the night away, ask her to be your girlfriend.  This custom has worked for many centuries.

Dear Garadun,
  Sounds like you are really getting popular. I hope all of this
popularity does not go to your head. A 7 foot hulking barbarian is not
someone I would want to see with a popularity enriched attitude! That's
a scary thing to think about!
  Concered 5ft Fellow Barbarian

Dear Concerned,
You need not be concerned with Garadun.  Garadun only wins half the time when he wrestles with bears.  And bears don't care how many people know you.

Dear Garadun,
What do I get a girl whom I like as a friend for her birthday?  A gift that says I like her as a friend.

-Watsup

Dear Watsup,
Buy her vibrating panties.  Not sure what she will think it means, but it will be fun to see her reaction.

Dear Garadun,
I'm in love with bologna and I don't even know its name.  What should I do.

-Chico the Brave

Dear Chico,
Bologna is very shy, but is not very emotional.  Be blunt.  Just walk right up to that bologna, tell it how you feel, then eat it.  You can do it, just be brave.   This works well with any items you find in your refrigerator.

Dear Garadun,
I liek to run naked in the snow.  But when i do so people look at me funny.  I go to school the next day and nobody will talk to me.  I try to explain to them that runnign naked in the snow is my passion but they just call me a freak.  What should i Do?

-Frozen Nards

Dear Frozen Nards,
Running naked in the snow is not only a healthy barbarian past time, it is a tradition.  You should ask them to join you, once they do they will realize the fun in it.  And when they were looking at you funny, they weren't pointing and laughing were they?  To be on the safe side though, you may want to run naked behind your house or in the woods.  Barbarians don't run naked in the snow next to populated streets. 

Dear Garadun,
I really like this girl.  But the problem is she has a really nasty belly button.  I think something is living in there or something.  It really wouldnt be much of a problem except for my fetish sometimes makes me want to... um... well nevermind that.  But anyway, what should I do?

-Ie ScamatoT!

Dear Ie ScamatoT,
Suggest she gets a belly button ring.  If it is unclean, the person giving her the piercing will clean it, that is if it does not interfere with your...fetish.  You could always ask her to join you in the shower and then you can clean it.

Dear Garadun,
I  Like big butts and I Cannot Lie.

-Sir Mixalot

Dear Sir Mixalot,
Its good that you came out into the open and admitted it.  That's not really a problem or question of any sort, but good for you.

Dear Garadun,
My girlfriend is really horny all the time and always wants me to have sex with her, but i really tired after screwing her twice in the morning then coming home from work... how can i get her to stop being so horny?

-Sleepy willie

Dear Sleepy Willie,
You can't stop her from being horny.  If you can't handle her sexual appetite, then maybe you would both be better off if she visited a certain barbarian who could satisfy her every day.

Dear Garadun,
I'm really upset because I don't have any mojo.  How can i deal with this problem?

-Austin Wanna B.

Dear Austin Wanna B,
Unfortunately, mojo is quite hard to find these days.  But fear not, you can grow your own.  Watch an Austin Powers movie once a week.  Watch Johnny Bravo every day.  Work out once a week.  Take dancing classes.  Pretty soon, you will get your own mojo.

Dear Garadun,
People bug me, I hate it when people talk to me.  How can I get them to leave me alone?

-unsocialgirl

Dear Unsocialgirl,
I suggest dressing in black and wearing black lipstick.  Although while repelling most people, that does tend to attract some odd people.  I suggest when someone starts talking to you, take their arm and start writing on it with a marker.